I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
