smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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