Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
