can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
