sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
