hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
