i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know her cup size but not her name....
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