I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
