There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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