Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize