I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
