If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
okay pat passed out under dana's car
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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