I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
