Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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