i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
