You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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