doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
