My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
