So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize