What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
