the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
