So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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