You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize