How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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