ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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