i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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