he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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