my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
