I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize