Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
