you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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