apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
