when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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