I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
