hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
