some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
