also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
