I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
