HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
