If i come over, it means nothing
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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