the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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