Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
