Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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