But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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