I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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