If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
