i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I came so hard my ears popped.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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