Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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