And the cops told us we were all naked.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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