every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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