I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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