worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
