Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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