you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
