apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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