Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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