I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
