Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
