people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
