Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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