i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize