tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
