I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
