I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
