before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
