im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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