It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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