last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
