I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
