Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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