Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
