dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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