I hate your face
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
