I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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