Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
what is it with giant penises always finding me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
