i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
