I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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