R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
